The Bard of Robots

Developer Valentines Poems

This year HireVue ran a fun little competition. Remember the fun little Valentines boxes from elementary school?  The goal was to make the most technologically advanced box possible, and to deliver creative cards to the other engineering rooms.  One of the judging criteria was best use of code and poetry.  Below are poems I wrote for it.

Disclaimer: You really have to be a developer to understand most of these, proceed at your own risk.

K-nearest Lovers
In dissecting the heart, I admit I got lazy,
In lieu of true love, I ran something crazy.
K-nearest neighbors, performed on each vuer,
Inputting your code, to output the top wooer.
The scores tell story, that’s rather disturbing,
An AUC of ninety, you won’t beat our learning.
Your team however scored only the default…
Look at the bright side, it wasn’t a segfault.

Dynamic Love
Your love is like python, it’s not statically typed,
With only confusion from args that I’ve piped.
For with you 0 is greater than None.
Inexplicably “none” is still larger than 1.
You have me spinning, and checking the trace,
And feeling heartbroken; I misplaced your whitespace.

Love Reverted
You reviewed my code, and stroked my ego,
And promised it was safe for any repo.
Then the build broke by a strange set of codes.
How could you let it dereference null nodes?
But late at night I caught you… git blame!
How could you? Merging +0 what shame.

I feel myself floating, with I-Triple-E.
Since the moment I saw your graph theory.
It was a biparte, it sets you apart,
I’ve encrypted your love on the drive of my heart.
But now I feel divided, I’m feeling quite small.
Your love’s precision’s blowing up in a sprawl.
Then today I hit zero, in a short 4 byte span.
But now all I see is a stream saying NaN.

Compatible Types
You are my tuple, you are my bool.
A standard type. The HireVue Tool!
With you by my side, I fear no splunk.
Nor sentry, nor entry in any code chunk.
Today we debug, we control the flow.
Tomorrow we ride on Python Three O!

Love Compressed
You had the very most beautiful stream,
Like angelic bits from a VP9 dream.
I watched it countless times on repeat,
With an insights score that simply said “sweet”.
The love faded slowly, iteration destroys,
Over time all I saw was a sequence of noise.
I carefully saved it to disk with each session,
But I should have used lossless compression.

Love is Mobile
At first we fought, I’m a droid you’re a fruit,
You laughed at my updates, I showed off my root.
But over the years I learned we were made,
By the same Chinese factories with every upgrade.
Surprised I found love when I looked at your glow,
And saw that our soul shared HireVue Pro.

This project is maintained by bradgrimm